Do you have the Soap Network? I catch “Beverly Hills 90210″ reruns in the afternoon sometimes, and yesterday was my lucky day. Wow. It is so big, it has its own wikia site. I guess that makes sense. If “Friday the 13th” can have its own wikia site, “90210″ certainly can too.
I watched this show through high school and then college. It was like my own “General Hospital.” When they went to college, I was in college.
I also watched with a cold heart. When Scott Scanlon accidentally shot himself, I thought, “Good, there are too many characters to keep track of.”
Even at 13, I thought Ahhhhhhhhhn-drea (Gabrielle Carteris) looked 35. What the hell? Why did they cast an old lady with mom hair to play a teenager?
This led me to think about all the useless characters that were on “90210″ – supporting, main, or otherwise.
My number one crown belongs to Ray Pruitt, played by Jamie Walters. I remember he had a tv show spin-off, which I scratched my head and wondered “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHY?” His pinched face and floppy hairdo annoyed the teenager in me. The writers must have hated him too because he had a dumb storyline and he was made to look super selfish. Hello, he’s an “artist!” It’s all about “the music,” man! Plus, come on, Donna Martin, you can do better. Or not.
I put a status up on my Facebook page, and suddenly others chimed in with their opinion of the worst/most useless character on “90210.” Shall we?
- Valerie Malone, played by Kelly Kapowski (Tiffani Amber Thiessen). She had to replace Brenda. Playah, please. No one can replace Brenda!
- Scott Scanlon, played by Douglas Emerson. “who couldn’t wear a Lakers hat to save his life” – well said, Keith.
- Susan Keats, played by Emma Caulfield. Admittedly, she kind of redeems herself on Buffy as Anya. I said KIND OF.
- Colin Robbins, played by Jason Wiles. Again, “I’m an artist! I do art! I do drugs! I’m … an… artist….!!!” Whatever, punk.
- Joe Bradley, played by Cameron Bancroft. No. Just no. The parrot thing? What the hell?
- Gina Kincaid, played by Vanessa Marcil – so true. I wondered why she was slumming it on 90210 when she had a good gig on “General Hospital.” Or so I thought. (Was she tasked to replace Kelly Kapowski?)
- Emily Valentine, played by Christine Elise. Yep. Woe is me, girl. This is a good pick for useless character, especially early on in the series! And the lip-syncing.. gah…. Brandon Walsh, you get on any girl – you’re a whore.
- Noah Hunter, played by Vincent Young. Another poor little rich boy. Boring. I mean, you have a yacht. Go sail away. To Newport Beach.
- the wheelchair-bound professor who tried to seduce Kelly – GREAT memory, Keith! Creepy McCreepster.
- Jesse Vasquez, Ahhhhhn-drea’s husband, played by Mark Damon Espinoza. I really didn’t get why he pulled out the “street talk” accent on Steve when Steve got in trouble (again) with the law and courts.
- Lucinda Nicholson, played by Dina Meyer. I believe she played a pro-sex professor. Well, duh… who’s not pro-sex? Just not with students. Gross. Is that what 1990s rich white college boys think is hot?
As I run through this list, it’s these useless characters that move the story forward. The later the series went on, the worst the show got. I truly believe Brenda made the show. She was the original Queen B. You can’t relie on the main cast to do everything, I guess. So in a way, these minor characters are not useless. But they are some of the worst people in that universe.
Did we miss your favorite worst character on “90210″? Tell me in the comments! I’m sure I’ll agree with you!
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